Advice

Don’t be afraid of conflict Some couples avoid conflict, avoid expressing what they need from one another, and congratulate their relationship for being generally happy. These couples are known as conflict avoiders. But this type of relationship isn’t for everyone. Other couples need to hash out their disagreements, express their needs, and identify their shortcomings. Not doing so runs the […]

While studying couples Gottman found he could predict within five minutes and he has an accuracy rate of 94% if a marriage was going to thrive. According to Dr. Gottman, “Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship.” He adds, “The couple knows each other intimately and is well versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, […]

Glorify the struggle All couples go through hard times. When you ask happy couples about the story of their relationship, they tend to “glorify the struggle.” They talk proudly about how they’ve overcome their challenges together. There is a strong sense of “we-ness” in the relationship. When you ask unhappy couples the same question, they tend to […]

Gottman says, ““Happily married couples aren’t smarter, richer or more psychologically astute than others. But in their day-to-day lives, they have hit upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other from overwhelming their positive ones.  The more couples are able to understand, honor, and respect each other and their marriage, […]

How was your day, dear?Learning to cope with pressures and tensions outside your relationship is crucial to the long-term health of your marriage, according to research by Neil Jacobson. The most effective way to do this is to reunite at the end of the day and talk about how it went. We call this the “How […]

At Koru Ceremony we believe not only in supporting couples on their wedding day, but also in their marriage that follows.  I love the advice and information by Dr. John Gottman, who is a marriage researcher at the University of Washington.  A book I highly recommend to anyone in a relationship is The Seven Principles for […]

Inside jokes ​Couples who laugh together last together. Humor is a powerful repair technique. It can lower the tension of an argument, reduce the division between you and your partner, and remind you that you’re human. A well-timed inside joke can shift the focus away from your fixed position and toward your shared we-ness. Remember that repair […]

I’ve been a little behind in blogging, so spent a little time today reposting things I had posted previously on Koru Ceremony Facebook page but didn’t have time to add here until today.   The 1 to 10 scaleThe next time you and your partner disagree about something, ask each other, “How strongly do you feel on a scale of […]

  When I meet with wedding couples I always ask them if they would like to write their own vows or use one of the vow choices I offer in the packet of information I give to them. There are many couples that are completely comfortable with writing their own vows. And let me be […]